Switching from Work Mode to Parent Mode
This guide is for Mothers feeling overwhelmed balancing work and parenting during the toddler and preschool years
Contributed By: Anita Cleare · Parenting Speaker, Writer & Coach
The Core Challenge
Being a calm, consistent parent after a day at work is not easy. One of the biggest challenges is simply starting our parenting shift in the right frame of mind to be present and connect with our children. It sounds easy enough but, for many of us, that involves learning how to be two different people on the same day.
Key Insight
Being at work involves a big helping of what I call ‘efficiency thinking’. This is a type of two-steps-ahead thinking that focuses on getting the job done with minimum waste of time or effort. But when it comes to parenting, that workplace mindset is not always a good fit. Children need emotionally attuned parents who are curious and playful and empathetic, who can slow down and pick up on their subtle cues and prioritise reflecting and listening over getting the job done. Learning quick ways to switch between work-mode and parent-mode can really help working moms walk in the door ready to parent - so we can be the parents our children need (and still hold down a job!).
Practical Strategies
1.Don’t arrive home hungry or thirsty
Being hungry or thirsty makes even the best of us snappy. If you have been too busy to eat or drink enough all day, pick up some water and a healthy snack before you reconnect with your child. It’s worth taking an extra five minutes to rebalance physically so that you don’t start your parenting shift completely drained of energy.
2.Park your work thoughts
If your head is buzzing with work thoughts, grab your phone and speak all those thoughts into a voice note. Then send yourself that note for the next time you are working.
3.Trigger positive emotions
Before you reconnect with your child, take a moment to think about them. Close your eyes and conjure up your child’s face in your mind’s eye and allow those fuzzy mom feelings to sweep through you. Tapping into positive emotions associated with our children can transport us straight into a positive parent mode, energised and ready to connect.
4.Give your child a burst of attention
Once you are home, before you rush around trying to complete your evening To Do list, have 5 minutes of stillness. Sit down and give your child your full attention. If you are sitting still and available to them, they are less likely to feel the need to fight for your attention with difficult behaviour. And once the connection has been re-established, they will be much happier to let you disappear for a few moments to get changed or start on dinner and you will be in a better frame of mind to embrace the evening shift.
A Small First STep
Start to build a transition routine to help you switch from work mode to parent mode. Next time you go to reconnect with your child after work, find a place to sit for 2 minutes first. Close your eyes and breathe deeply and slowly. Then smile and feel your brain release the feel-good chemicals that come with smiling. Notice what difference this makes when you re-greet your child.
Anita Cleare is an award-winning parenting speaker, writer and coach who supports working parents to balance successful careers with being a parent. She is author of ‘The Working Parent’s Survival Guide’ and speaks at events for working parents at top global companies. Her books have been translated into twelve languages.
Visit www.anitacleare.co.uk to learn more
